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Saturday, October 07, 2006

Heaven & Hell

A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said, "Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like."

The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in.

In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.

The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful, but because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.

The Lord said, "You have seen Hell."

They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking. The holy man said, "I don't understand."

"It is simple" said the Lord, it requires but one skill. You see, they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves."

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

New scam - WE DO NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE

After the Nigerian oil rigs and other African scams, it is time for Iraq! This is the new one on the floor!

Subject: WE DO NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE
From: "Al-Suwaij zainab"

FROM:ZAINAB ALSUWAIJ
TEL/FAX:+27791 155 580.
4 CRESCENT AVENUE
SANDTON,JOHANNESBURG
SOUTH AFRICA

Assalamualaikum,

My name is Zainab Safia Al-Suwaij,the wife of late Sheik mahjid al-Suwaij from Iraq. He was among the the innocents civilian citizen that were murdered during the current US led war,to topple Saddam Hussien in my country, before then, he was the founder of his "Islamic scholars orginisation" until his sudden death.My husband before his death,was about to build a mosque for his members the Islamic scholars organisation, which he was about concluded the arrangements and only on the commencement, unfortunately met his sudden death from a stray bomb of the US soldiers that hit the place my husband was having prayers in the central outskirts of the town and took the life of my beloved husband.However, it did seem as if he forsaw his death for after his death,his lawyer came and read his will to the entire family.This is the will.

" DEAR "IN MY ABSENCE FROM THIS SINFULL WORLD ,MAY I DRAW YOUR ATTENTION TO THE SUM OF ($11.3 MILLION DOLLARS).which l deposited with a security company in the United Arab Emirates(Dubai) with the security code.The security code number is with the security company and will be released to you upon their confirmation that you are my wife and soul mate,since sheik work is by a spiritual call ,if you cannot carry on with it ,you can look for a foreigner that will help you to redeem the money for proper investment and management.

Consequently, l am now in south africa and in possesion of all documents with my son and two daughters as refugees and since the United Nations Policy on assylum permits states that no assylum holder will be allowed to have any monetary investment except that you become a citizen l was left with no option than to now solicit for your assistance in this matter. l want to assure you that this money is for the family and my late husband was not a Political leader and has never served the government either. There is no risk involved.

Regards,
Zainab Safia Al-Suwaij Esra Tanya Al-Suwaij Katrin Raz Al-Suwaij
Jamal Bill Al-Suwaij
{Wife and mother}(Daughter)(Son)

Note: If you get above mail, delete it right away. Dont even bother to respond. If you respond they will ask you to setup your bank account for the transfer. Then they will try to get your account details and loot your money or ask you to make a deposit to some account to initiate the so called 'big money transfer'. Either way you will end up loosing your hard earned money! Use your common sense, if you were in a similar situation would you rather contact your friends and family or send spam to millions of strangers all over the world!

The Woman

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: "Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen. " God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the checkbook. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."

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